After two months I expected to feel better rather than more traumatized. Nope. It's worse than when Dad died -- I lost him and was very upset that he wasn't in the world any more, but I knew about death and realized it was going to happen even if I hadn't felt the loss yet. To an extent I support the existence of death: it's needed for change, ( Read more... )

... back to crying and going round and round in my head. And now my stomach won't quit grumbling.

Maybe I'll take one of Dad's pain pills.

This entry was originally posted at http://jinian.dreamwidth.org/670620.html. Respond wherever you like.

Weird, obvious dreams: Taking care of an entire colony of ~bats that kept being different and I didn't know what to do; the cockatiel ones, the kangaroo rat ones, the ones with so many fleas. Actual Bat cat's front legs giving out and him being distressed ( Read more... )

Getting work done at work this week ( Read more... )

Saturday: lazy mostly, some vacuuming; beat the first world on bit.trip Runner for the first time; finished
( Read more... )

State: I feel normal-sad a lot of the time, but I really seem to be losing track of how long it's been between things happening. It's hard to know what feelings are justified and what's just getting upset over nothing. I don't feel sad about my dad, just sad, and volatile in other ways sometimes, and not enjoying things I should. Currently ( Read more... )

One evening last week, I was walking down the hill with
( Read more... )

So things are still hard. Little things are okay, normal level of engagement a lot of the time, normal level of enjoyment when previous is true. Bigger things are harder.

Yesterday I was pretty awesome. I had planned a duck egg curry dish that
( Read more... )

I'm recovering well! The bellybutton incision is almost entirely healed, though there's still some swelling and bruising around the others, especially on the left. No more bandages or strips! There's semi-predictable soreness when I sit or lie down in certain positions, but I can mostly get up from the more comfortable supine and reclining ( Read more... )

Yesterday I got an operation! So far it was a really good idea. Here is what went down.

( long! )